We Need to Talk
Article by Sara and Kiri, illustration by Erin
In such a polarized world, it seems that every social issue comes with its own set of extremes and fears around conversation. Abortion is only one of these many divisive issues. For most, this subject is deeply personal as one’s opinions are typically rooted in their beliefs surrounding life, religion, and/or human rights. Because of this, broaching the subject with others, especially with those who have differing beliefs, can be awkward and even outright hostile. How can we reach a place where healthy, non-confrontational conversation is commonplace?
In order to better understand the opposing sides of this debate, we interviewed activists in the abortion and reproductive rights fields. Ezri Tyler is a fellow with Fight for Her, a pro-choice grassroots campaign supporting voluntary, rights-based family planning programs both domestically and globally. Brenna Lewis is a staff writer and editor for Students for Life, an organization devoted to recruiting, training, and mobilizing the Pro-Life Generation to protect unborn lives and their mothers.
To truly understand the discussion, or lack thereof, around the abortion debate, we must first consider the formation of opinion. In our interview with Ezri Tyler, she recalled growing up in a “pro-choice family that let [her] research [her] own opinions.” Not surprisingly, Lewis had a similar story of “[feeling] drawn to this cause - even as a grade schooler” and then developing her own opinions in her formative years. Both of these activists were influenced by family values, but were able to educate, engage, and contemplate before making their own decision.
This kind of rationale should, in theory, be ever-present. Opinion should be dynamic, open to modification, listening, and productive discussion. Both activists agreed: facts need to be the center of dialogue on abortion. Lewis explained that, “being educated on the facts drastically increases the likelihood that someone will start this important dialogue with someone they know.” Tyler had a similar outlook, stating that getting “stuck in this trap of being emotional at each other [is] not really productive for anyone.” This is not to say that emotions have no place in the abortion conversation, but objective knowledge plays a pivotal role in being able to engage more deeply with the topic.
While facts can help prevent personal conflict, they are not able to provide for the human understanding that is necessary when discussing such a personal issue. Lewis told us that when entering into conversation it’s imperative to remember, “It's easy... to let yourself start to think of ‘the other side’ quite negatively…. Most pro-life and pro-choice people have the same goal: whole, happy families. We just have different solutions about how to get there.” Ezri believes the same: “I like to assume the best in people– that they’re not trying to act maliciously… They genuinely believe it’s the right thing to do.” Having discussion around such a complex issue is far more difficult if a conversation takes place between two people or groups who don’t attempt to understand the other beyond gathering information for a rebuttal. Tyler succinctly expressed the importance of “respecting that they’re people too” and always ending the conversation positively. Lewis stressed the importance of “approach[ing] every dialogue [you] have with compassion, even if [you] aren't receiving it in return.”
Acting with compassion for the other side of such a divisive debate is not an easy feat. You must first recognize that every person is entering this conversation with a different background and experience. As Lewis put it, “you never know what the person you're talking to has been through,” and for that reason it's critical that these conversations at least begin with respect for where each person is coming from. The issue of abortion does not exist in a vacuum, there are many intersectionalities and social impacts including socioeconomic insecurities, race inequities, sexual abuse, and more. Taking the time to understand how these intersecting factors have shaped others’ beliefs and experiences with abortion can only strengthen your own understanding.
Most people who have ever attempted a conversation about abortion understand that it does not come easily, as the issue has such complex, personal, and intersectional pieces. Yet, the conversation must continue. Ezri reflected on the importance of dialogue saying, “I think the largest mistake anyone could make would be refusing to have conversations and allowing everyone (including oneself) to live in echo chambers…. It’s also a disservice to oneself to knowingly not challenge [their] own opinions and knowledge because being properly educated and secure in your opinion comes from discourse.” Lewis told us that passion and respect don’t need to be at odds with each other; “it's so important to approach the issue… [by] seeking to find common ground, building bridges, and treating others with respect while still being bold.”
No matter the opinion on abortion, the issue is expansive and requires more (respectful) attention. Each one of us has a personal stake in ensuring that our fellow humans have their dignity recognized. Engaging in dialogue with peers rather than avoiding the potential discomfort of conversation is the first step in building more understanding of one another. We each have a responsibility to learn as much as we can, to engage in discourse, and to do both with a loving and open heart.
We urge you to take the time to broaden your own understanding of this issue. Here are a few resources to begin your personal research.
Pro Choice:
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/facts-figures/fact-sheets-reports
https://www.opensocietyfoundations.org/explainers/what-global-gag-rule
https://www.iwillfight4her.org/arizona
Pro Life:
https://www.frc.org/brochure/the-best-pro-life-arguments-for-secular-audiences