Nurturing Healthy Relationships
Article by Amelia Matheson, Photo by Rod Long
This April, my church held a women’s conference for our female-identifying church members. My grandmother and I spent seven wonderful hours learning from, listening to, and talking with our spiritual sisters as we discussed everything from standing firm in our beliefs to uplifting each other when times get rough. Although this conference’s focus was on Christian, female fellowship, I could not help but think of how powerful and beneficial these topics could also be to my relationships outside of my church family. I would like to share with you, dear reader, what I learned these past two days in hopes that you can also apply some of these motifs on your journey to creating healthy, enduring relationships.
First, love is not just romantic. Hopefully, you are well aware of this already. There are many types of love around us including familial love, fraternal (friendly) love, and, of course, romantic love. I sincerely hope that you have a healthy dose of the first two, but the third one is really just a bonus. If you don’t yet have romantic love, trust me when I say that you are not alone! Before you go searching far and wide for such a love, first consider self love. Yes, yes, I know how cliche that sounds, but hear me out.
Who is the one person you will be with for the rest of your life?
Yourself.
To have any fruitful external relationships, you absolutely must have a healthy one with yourself. You must love yourself. But what does this look like? I have learned that real self love means respecting yourself enough to establish your boundaries for all things. It means knowing what you want and not settling for less or anything that might prove destructive to your sense of self. It means challenging yourself when you are wrong, choosing to reflect and grow rather than stubbornly casting blame onto others. It means analyzing yourself in search of areas to improve, but also possessing the compassion to accept yourself as you are. It means pushing yourself to constantly learn, produce, and live while taking joy in who you are at all stages.
Second, ask for help not only when you need to, but also when you want to. There have been many times when I wanted to ask for help but I didn’t because I was afraid of seeming less smart or capable. I implore you to not make the same mistake as I did. Everyone needs help at multiple points in their lives and we have all had something to learn from someone else.
If I could reach out to a younger version of myself, I would tell her she is capable, competent, and enough, especially when she has the courage to seek and accept a helping hand. Or five (as I’ve learned in my first year of college). After you have thrown away your fear, the next step is to be open to the help you need. Have an open mind and heart ready to accept sound advice from those you trust. As I learned during the conference with my grandmother, there is always something to be learned from others, especially those who have experienced what you are living through.
Lastly, be a true friend to someone you know today. Just like you may be needing help or comfort, someone you know may need both of those things from you. Be willing and ready to be a friend in a time of need. Check up on old friends and lend a listening ear to new ones. You may not know what to say or exactly how to help, but your care and love will be enough. When we ourselves feel alone, we just want to know that someone is there and that they care. We may just want someone to talk to about our problems. I encourage you to make a conscious effort to be that “someone” for someone you know.
