Story by Julia Appel, photograph by Davidson Luna

It was Yom Kippur, except it wasn’t. One of the holiest days of the Jewish year had arrived, with a twist. Instead of getting dressed up and going to my synagogue to pray, greet family, and be interrogated about my college plans, I was in my pajamas, watching the service on my mom’s laptop with the Green Bay Packers game in the background. We’d already celebrated Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, in this way. Not to mention Sukkot, Passover, a cousin’s bar mitzvah, and several birthdays.

With Hanukkah already here and Christmas around the corner, your friendly neighborhood Jew is here to tell you: I know this sucks. So much has gone wrong this year. Trying to celebrate holidays during a pandemic is just the icing on the cake. It’s okay to grieve for these lost celebrations and lost time with family and friends. The trick is to try to find the silver lining.

My friend’s annual Hanukkah party was canceled. But on the first night of Hanukkah, my extended family had a Zoom call to light the candles together, which we’ve never done before. Our Passover seder was attended by family that usually lives too far away to come in for the holiday, and the same for our Thanksgiving dinner. We may not be able to celebrate with our families in person (in fact, please don’t!), but we do have the opportunity to make special days special in different ways. Invite faraway family to celebrate virtually. Have a digital movie night with friends.

At the same time, don’t expect it to feel normal. It’s okay to tone things down, to simply take a year off some traditions. Attempting a one-to-one substitution for our normal ways of doing things will only make the gaps more obvious.

It’s been a rough year, but I wish you all happy holidays!